I shared about you today. The topic was on love. In addiction, that was one of the main things that was missing in my life. It is hard to love anything in that state of mind. I especially had a hard time loving myself, let alone the world around me. Years and years had passed and love was still absent. It was really a challenge waking up each day. The exact timing is a little fuzzy, but I can count almost 14 years in that state of mind.
When I moved to Eugene in 2008 I was so done with how I was living. I put the drugs and alcohol down, but I was far removed from a life containing love. I spent another several years not really liking myself, but I continued doing the deal. One night, it was a Friday, everything changed. One second I look down at the floor, the next second I lool up amd you were there. I had no idea how you got there or where you came from. Your hair was white as snow.
It is hard to explain everything that happened after that, and I had no idea that you would be the best female friend I ever had. I come from a background where if you know a female, she is either your girlfriend or she is not. I had so many dude friends, but I never really had any female friends. You were so loving to me. You taught me so much about love. It is so powerful. You changed me forever. I still talk to you in the present tense. You broke my barrier in an instant, just by your existence, and there was no one that could get through my barrier. I sharpened my fortification for years. Nobody was allowed through. Then you literally went through it like it wasn’t even there. How dare you be so loving to me. Who are you to do that to me and then take on another form?
I miss you so much. I can only imagine how your family feels. I was just a good friend, but they are blood. I still experience what you left me with. You taught me how to love. I don’t take that for granted. We were friends for many years. We were like recovery buddies. Anyways, whenever I hear about love, it reminds me of you. You weren’t just loving to me, you spread love wherever you went. You embodied love. God required your assistance on another plane. As for me, I’m rolling in the 4th dimension. More will be revealed.
xxooxxoo